It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
smell my finger.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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