I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
