i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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