I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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