how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Come on in and take your pants off
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