At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
