sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
