we're chasing vodka with high fives
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
