i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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