I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
