Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
