she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
