Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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