Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
