I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize