Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Everything about him screamed your future.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
