As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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