I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
