it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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