she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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