I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
