Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
