I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
