i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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