Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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