As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
