My hand turned me down
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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