I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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