I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We just shotgunned beers for America
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
