i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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