As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
