Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
