i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
