I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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