If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
