Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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