Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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