I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
