How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
