**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
