no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Farmville is her only friend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
