Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
