first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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