The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I wear drunk well.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
