I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
