dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
