puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
