No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
