Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
