just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
