This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
