I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
