How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
