he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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