He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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