then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
handjob tips. give me some.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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