I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize