I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
