Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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