...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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