Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize