I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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