i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize