Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
