in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
