after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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