p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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