FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
