he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize