I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
