My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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