I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
