how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
