Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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