I have demons in me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
